A little about me and writing Too Smart to Split.
As part of my degree in management I studied group psychology, but essentially I am a non-qualified expert on the subject of sex, psychology and relationships. The book I desperately needed simply didn’t exist, so I set about researching for myself, and having learned so much in the process, I simply thought that this information was worth sharing with other people in similar situations.
Why I wrote Too Smart to Split
Oddly enough, I actually sat down to write a script about Japan (which is a project that is still burning to get out!), but I couldn’t focus on it because of the issues in my relationship at the time. I flailed around reading all sorts of lengthy texts, and although I learned a lot, the practical information I sought, which I’d hoped to read and then vigorously apply, was simply not available, so things were, in fact, not changing at the speed I’d hoped they would.
The more I researched, the more I began to wonder: “why are we – as humans – no longer capable of getting through the hard yards of long-term relationships? Are we just expecting too much from our partners, or should we just keep looking until we find a person who fits better?”
I’m very pleased to say that today, my intimate relationship is much stronger and healthier, to the point where I can again visualise a future together. It’s been a very convoluted and sometimes mind-opening journey, and of course I’ve made mistakes along the way; but the information I learned has been so valuable, and that’s why this book exists – because I believe that just like me, you too can revive your relationship if you have a bit of guidance and support to help you along the way.
Despite what society and the majority of books and web articles insinuate, you do not have to become the one in three who chooses divorce (or permanent separation if you’re not officially married) as the solution for your relationship woes.
This book can get you and your partner out of the funk, provided you are both seeking to resolve the problems, are equally committed to prioritising the relationship, and can both put past issues behind you. If you can, then the tools and hacks provided in this book are designed to help you turn things around in as quick as a few months.
Obviously, I can’t guarantee that a particular relationship will survive, since they are delicate and complicated. I am very glad to have worked through the issues that I needed to work through, and I feel like doing so means I won’t find myself in the same position again. For example, realising the role I played in the lack of intimacy in my life was really eye-opening. This book has taught me to accept my own imperfections while constantly trying to improve myself little by little, yet not striving for perfection or constantly beating myself up about not meeting the expectations of others. Instead, I’ve learned how to strive for balance, love and intimacy in my life, and to surround myself with positivity wherever possible, because I truly believe that regardless of material wealth, these are the trappings of a good life.
To anyone who is going through a relationship challenge, I dedicate this book to you, along with my own little family because a relationship that involves children is one worth trying anything and everything to save.